Hopeful in Hanna, Montana,

At Hail Pleasar, names and faces are always changed. Anonymity is a priority here, so much that I’ve whittled down the pseudonyms you’ve provided to initials.

In any case, you already have your answers. Everything before your summary list was just you rationalizing to yourself the decisions you’ve already made and have either already acted upon or have yet to for whatever reason. Now it’s time for that final push.

1. You think of W. as a friend. He obviously thinks of you as more than a friend. You need to own up to yourself, to your emotions, and tell him. Whatever excuses you have in your head for not having done it sooner, ditch them. You know where your relationship stands and now it’s time for you to let W. know. Man up, woman.
2. Let L.C. know you want to see him. He will either be receptive or dismissive. Either way, you’ll have your answer and you can stop wondering. You say he seems “highly interested”, now make definite plans that fall on a specific date. You have a limited amount of time available so go get a move on. Man up, woman.
3. Dating your TA is not only a bad idea, it’s scholarly unethical and could impose disciplinary action on that TA. Besides, who says that you’re limited to meeting people in your classes? There are plenty of other social avenues to explore—coffee shops, study groups, extracurricular activities, bars, clubs, knitting circles, sports clubs, etc. Get out there and start introducing yourself to people. Man up, woman.
4. Put an ad out on craigslist and make flyers to post on the boards across campus and local coffee shops.

Decisions are only as difficult as you make them. Your situation is “bizarro” because you’ve allowed it to be. Let go of fear and stop dragging things out, otherwise you’ll end up giving yourself an ulcer.

Man up, woman.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar

Sleepy Texter,

Hmm.

There are definitely aspects about this that could be flattering. The eagerness to see you again is a plus. Your two concerns do definitely warrant attention, though.

Eagerness can be split into two sub-divisions: enthusiasm and anxiety. Enthusiasm is wonderful and healthy. Anxiety is overbearing and consuming. Which one this is depends on how much time lapsed between saying “goodnight” and 4:30am.

Her asking to see you even though she knows you’re busy, on it’s own, could be seen as her being cute. Cuteness, however, can lose it’s luster at 4:30am—It’s a unique hour. There are few things in life that warrant a 4:30am text and this is not one of them. She could easily have waited until a more decent hour.

You’re right to be wary and I would proceed with caution. This may very well be a fluke, but something tells me that she might have a touch of the crazies.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar

c0nfuz0rd 1337 h4×0r,

They say that, do they? They say a lot of things, they do.

I believe what They mean to say is that They find it too easy to misread emphasis and intention—it’s more of a reflexive problem and not necessarily universal. That’s not to say that there aren’t inherent issues with text-based communication. Still, problems with communication exist regardless of the medium whether it be spoken word or written text. I’m quite certain we’ve all misunderstood someone in a telephone or face-to-face conversation. These things just happen.

There are plenty of ways to punctuate emphasis using the written word. Thanks largely to this whole New-Fangled Infrawebs, the last 20 years have seen an accelerated progress on this front. The use of asterisks to denote action, enclosing words between underscores to add emphasis, and even acronyms such as LOL—and even HOGMP or JEOMK—are all methods used to increase clarity.

A very delicate balance of both what one says and how one says things exists that contributes to understanding. I, for one, have been making very real attempts over the last few years at using fewer pronouns in order to be better understood. This is something that goes beyond the method of communication used and allows for much more coherent thought.

Do I believe that real-life love can exist across the Internet? Sure I do. The methods by which people maintain contact does not define their relationship. Something to keep in mind, though, is that it can possibly make for more trying circumstances. This is not a constant, per se, but the potential for difficulty may increase. As long as both parties understand the nature of their situation and take steps to offset the complication of it—regularly scheduled phone and IM conversations, carefully planned visits—the prospect of a relationship can blossom and flourish. This isn’t some sort of novel idea. It’s been done before and, really, the steps involved in maintaining this type of relationship aren’t any different than if both parties were within walking distance—it just requires an alternate avenue.

When it comes to safeguarding one’s heart and feelings online, it’s not unlike doing so “in real life”. The same goes for reading a person’s intent. A jerk will be a jerk despite any backdrop. Trust your intuition and don’t be afraid to ask questions or be blunt and you’ll be able to sniff-out the bad apples.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar

Concerned Blogger,

If you’re going to try to make a point and take a stand, be sure to plant your feet firmly in the ground. Ending with an unnecessary apology negated the 202 words that preceded said apology. Rather than dismiss your effort, though, I’ll indulge. I enjoy debating and consider myself a cunning linguist.

You should already know, when I walk in the do’, that it ain’t no use in frontin’ on me.

T. Pain, “Hustler’s Anthem ‘09″

I must say, I had a hearty laugh when you called me condescending considering you were immediately supercilious with your subject. “Your ‘Blog’”? Nice. “Small attempt at being clever”? “Egocentric cyber babble”? Pot? Kettle? Black. To put it colloquially, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

But let’s continue with this whole “blog” business. This site makes absolutely no claim at being a blog. Far from it, it’s an advice column with topics ranging from the prepuce to pop music, sprinkled with elements of an editorial. You made a horribly grand assumption and that is entirely your own fault. As a good friend of mine likes to say, “expectations are the building blocks to resentment.” Or, as they say on Sesame Street, “that fish is not gonna bring that stick back to you.”

Comments are, indeed, disabled and done so with intent. You’re not the first person to notice or ask about it, so I figure I’ll take this opportunity to reference a recent conversation I had over instant message.

Them: Any reason why you close comments?
Me: Because it’s _my_ fucking column.
Them: :D

Once again, we revisit the fact that this is an advice column, a place for my opinions. Amazingly enough, this concept is not far-fetched. There are quite a few websites that I read on a regular basis which offer no mechanism for commenting directly on each post, notably John Gruber’s Daring Fireball. There is no difficultly in communicating with Gruber, for example. I’ve written to him on a few occasions, sometimes receiving a reply and other times not. Avenues exist and comments are not the only road. By disabling comments, I have not made it difficult for people to communicate with me. Case in point? You. You wrote this letter and I received it with little effort.

I find it difficult to believe that I leave “the reader even more suffocated in [my] thoughts and ideas, giving them no room to formulate their own”. You seem to have done well enough on your own—or are you implying that you’re of a class greater than my current readership, people who do seem to enjoy my “egocentric cyber babble”, an increasingly growing group. Why, this week alone, visits have gone up 515.38% on this website according to Google Analytics. That’s not including people who read the RSS feed or view the posts on the Hail Pleasar Facebook Fan Page.

This is not a public forum. An advice column works like this:

1. Someone finds themself in a predicament.
2. Said person is unable to make sense of this predicament.
3. This person then decides to seek assistance.
4. They write an e-mail to asking me for my opinion.
5. I read their e-mail and give it some thought.
6. I publish my reply on this website, which gets syndicated to the Hail Pleasar Facebook Fan Page and notices go out on Twitter.
7. I send an e-mail to the person, thanking them and letting them know that I’ve published my response and that they are more than welcome to ask any follow-up questions should they have any.

Contrary to what you would like to believe, it is not all about me. At the end of the day, though, it’s juliuspleasar.com and not letsallholdhandsandshareourfeelingsinapublicforum.com/emocorner. Your understanding of what’s going on here can only be described with one word^[1].

Excelsior,
Julius Pleasar