Befuddled,

Ah, yes, the wonders of the “bros before hos” or “pals before gals” adage. The moral of it is that people should think first of their friendships as flings generally come and go and true friendship lasts a lifetime. Like many proverbs, though, it can be misinterpreted and taken to an exaggerated extreme.

Let’s look at your case, for example. Friends should look out for each other, yes, but it’s a two-way street. The obviously interested friend should have seen the writing on the wall, cut his losses early, left you and your target alone to converse, and moved on to the next prospect. That would have been the respectable thing to do. Instead, I imagine there was an extended uncomfortable situation of uncertainty.

But let’s not lay all the blame on him. If there was chemistry between you and the guy you were hitting on, it would also have been up to him to step up his game. Instead, for whatever reason, he thought it appropriate to be exceptionally polite to his comrade. Therein lies the misinterpretation of the “bros before hos” mantra.

When should a bro first think of a ho? When the original “plan” is not working out. Every situation, whether social or business, needs to be reassessed on a regular basis. In social occasions, such as the one you described, reassessment should occur rapidly and frequently and adjustments should be made accordingly. Remember: friends should always look out for friends.

I submit to you that you did not strike-out but, rather, lucked out by avoiding a potentially pathetic situation. Bros before hos, yes, but we must all remember to look out for number one in the end. No one wants a wishy-washy mate and it sounds to me like you avoided one. Both of these guys played their cards incorrectly, one by being inopportunely zealous and the other by being unfittingly deferential.

If you ever find yourself in a similar scenario again, leave them be and search for better potential. They’ll either figure it out or you’ll find yourself a better suitor. Either way, you win.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar