It’s been 4 years since I’ve had a girl friend and would like to have one. I date and meet people, but nothing has even remotely worked out.
Any advice in how to get a girlfriend? Should I try Internet dating sites?
Harry P. Alms
Harry P. Alms,
To be honest, there isn’t really any sort of sure-fire way to achieve what it is you’re asking for. It’s an incredible combination of personality, stability, perceived appearances, and luck, all of which carry their own variables depending on the potential partner you may or may not be pursuing with luck ranking as the most difficult to have any sort of control over. Besides, I’m sure you’ve heard it all before, be it through advice given to you from others or advice you’ve given to others.
If there’s one thing you can do to increase any chance you might have with someone whom you’d like to begin a relationship, it’s to subscribe to complete honesty. And I don’t mean to simply be honest about past actions or scenarios or behaviors (which is something you should be honest about anyway), but really to be honest with and about your feelings. You have to both trust and show that you trust. You have to let go of fear.
Letting go of fear, especially when it comes to relationships, is a very big deal. To open oneself takes a great deal of courage and leaves one vulnerable. Many people miss out on great opportunities based on a fear of rejection, playing into a head-game that is both cyclical and disabling.
I’m going to quote the Bible. It, along with various other scriptures rooted in various sects of theology and philosophy, is a pretty incredible source of wisdom—regardless of whether or not one subscribes to the beliefs associated with it.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18
As for your second question, why not? I personally haven’t given them a shot, but I do know people who have and they’ve had varying degrees of success. You see, dating sites are really just another opportunity to meet new people—people you’d most likely not meet otherwise. And based on what you’ve said, about having been dating and meeting people, it would seem that a dating site might be worth looking into. Hell, why not include speed dating or singles parties into the equation? It’s sounding like the pool of people that you’re meeting and/or dating is not broad enough.
You’re already getting out there, now it’s time to get out even further.
Just my $0.02