Hail Pleasar

I recently found out that the object of my affec­tion had a fling, before me, with a blonde with the brain of a Smoke­house almond, whose lack of intel­lect keeps her only barely on this side of assisted liv­ing, who can’t really focus when there are shiny things in the room, and yet, he thought …

My in-laws are a sim­ple folk from a sim­pler time. By sim­ple I mean a lit­tle racist and a whole lot not inter­ested in my “desk job” where I “use the inter­net” and stuff like that. Gath­er­ings at their house are fre­quent and bor­ing. Lately the dis­cus­sions have also been get­ting polit­i­cal and I com­pletely …

This is a prob­lem my friend and I dis­cussed years ago, but never got a good answer to: Say you totally dig on a guy and you want to maybe bone him, but before even kind of going there, you want to find out if he’s cir­cum­cised. What’s the best way to go about this …

Should I be butt hurt because I found out on face­book that my friends had a baby and nobody called me to tell me? B.H. B.H., I sup­pose that would all depend on how close you are to these peo­ple. But another thing to keep in mind are all the hec­tic events that sur­round hav­ing a …

I have a Late Night Gen­tle­man Caller who prefers I not refer to him as such, but is hes­i­tant about any terms to do with dating/seeing/banging. Are there any other palat­able descrip­tive options I could uti­lize to relay this person’s simul­ta­ne­ously triv­ial and crit­i­cal sta­tus in my life? Thanks, Calls-a-Spade-a-Spade Calls-a-Spade-a-Spade, There are, in fact, plenty …