Archive for April, 2009

Whole Package,

Okay. Here’s the thing: this all happened before you. Once I read that, there really wasn’t much else to take into consideration.

Do you think it’s wise to fault someone indefinitely for something they did in their past, especially when you weren’t around and have no true grasp on the circumstances surrounding it? There are an infinite number of possibilities as to why this fling occurred. You seem to be basing a whole lot on assumption and that’s a dangerous thing.

So what if she is a former Playboy bunny? What difference does her mental capacity make? Who are you to judge her? What authority do you have to decide what their compatibility was based on? Are you perfect? Have you not made mistakes? Do all of his past relationships even qualify as mistakes? What about the integrity of your own? Was she worthy of his time? Who are you to decide that? Perhaps it is you that might be “too shallow”.

I suggest there are two real issues at hand: your decline in respect for him and your feeling of insecurity. The thing is, based on what I’ve read, neither of them needed to have happened.

You resent him for something that doesn’t concern you. That’s rather unfair, no? And what reasons do you have to feel insecure? You’re the “whole package”, correct? If anything, your self-esteem should be validated by his choosing you.

These are two things that need to be resolved if there’s ever gonna be any sort of relationship. He can’t travel back in time. What he can do—what we all can do—is grow. Let’s assume that there was a time when he’d prefer eye candy. Does it not stand to reason that he might have changed his mind, that he might have grown up? Hell, maybe it was the fling that got him to change—if that’s even the case in the first place.

Be comfortable in you and yourself. He didn’t “claim” that he’s into the “whole package”, he told you that he is. Trust in what he says. Without trust, there is no chance for a relationship at all; it will be doomed to fail. Live in the now and focus on the present. If you dwell on the past, there won’t be a way to move forward and all that will develop is indignation and resentment—on both sides.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar

Bored and annoyed,

Early on in life, I found it best to avoid discussions of a political nature. It’s a rare occasion to be able to hold a civil conversation regarding politics, especially if the person you’re talking to has a differing opinion.

The complication is that these are issues that people hold dear to their identity. To many it’s the core of their being and any disagreement attacks their sense of self. Another and similar topic would be religion. It’s not as simple as a Coke™ vs Pepsi™ debate. That being said, your question goes further than that of the recent topics with your in-laws.

The thing about family is that, save one’s partner, you don’t get to choose them. An unfortunate circumstance of that is that one might not necessarily get along with their or their partner’s family. It can be tough. The trick is, though, to avoid what it is that sparks disagreeable situations. Steer the conversation to more pleasant topics. Don’t strictly discuss what’s pleasing to you, though. That would just perpetuate the cycle. Even if they persist, take the higher road.

The next time you’re visiting with them, try not to dread the visit before you even get there—you may end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy if you do. Take a breath, observe, and listen. Something may come up, mundane as it might possibly be, that you all agree upon. It could be as simple as a sport or a television show or what have you. Take the opportunity to focus on that and share a common ground. You’ll find that mundane pleasantries are much better than bitter arguments.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar

Penises Are Creepy, Yet Hilarious Either Way,

The “problem” is all yours. Like Homer Simpson said, “The human wang is a beautiful thing.”

What would be the point in finding out if he’s circumcised or not? If you want to bone him, you’re gonna want to regardless. I mean, really, would you stop once you reached down and found out either way? If you would, that’s pretty horrible and shallow.

Besides, both sets of human genitals come all sorts of varieties. What you should really be concerned with is cleanliness. It’s generally safe to assume that if one practices good hygiene, they also maintain their genital area. The prepuce has very little to do, if not nothing, with cleanliness.

And, in the end—if it’s really that important to you—there are only two ways of finding out: asking or seeing/touching. That’s it. But, seriously, just get over it. It’s only a penis.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar

B.H.,

I suppose that would all depend on how close you are to these people. But another thing to keep in mind are all the hectic events that surround having a child, notably the act of birthing and raising a child. It’s a sudden change that takes adjustment, during which time both parents may become forgetful.

It’s been my experience that, unless you are immediate family, you won’t learn about an actual birth for a few days—and sometimes longer. With technology being the way it is these days, though, it’s not uncommon to learn about such things through Twitter or a Facebook status update or even text message. The manner in which we all communicate is changing rapidly.

Remember that the news of a child is what matters most. The way we learn of such things is inconsequential.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar

Calls-a-Spade-a-Spade,

There are, in fact, plenty of palatable alternatives. These are, however, not quite as easy to digest. If “Late Night Gentleman Caller” is an unpleasant term in his mind’s ear, you may then use the following and gradually use them in order of vulgarity:

1. Backdoor Man
2. Booty Call
3. Fuck Buddy

Quite frankly, “Late Night Gentleman Caller” is an exceptional term. At the very least, it implies a certain level of respect you have for this person. You could very easily refer to him as “dude I’m totally banging on the regular”, but you choose to be polite and civil. That’s commendable.

But, at the end of the day, if you aren’t attending social engagements as a couple—dating, as it were—it doesn’t matter how you refer to him. Like Juliet said, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” [Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 45-46)]

Tell him to get over it; you could very easily call him much worse things.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar