I’ve managed to almost completely cut my ex of several years from my life and am much better off for it. We still have a couple mutual friends with whom I generally only stay in touch on a superficial level. Recently one of these mutual friends requested to follow my private twitter account. While I appreciate trading barbs and witty commentary with this person, a number of my tweets are about my blossoming new relationship which neither the friend nor ex are aware of. What do you recommend, slighting the friend by denying his request or not letting concern for my ex rule my decisions and accept it, come what may?
What possible reason would you have to keep your blossoming new relationship a secret? It’s one thing to have concern for your ex and another to accidentally burden your new relationship.
There is no reason for you to “protect” your ex from the knowledge of you having moved on. In fact, news of this particular situation getting back to your new interest could potentially stir up an unnecessary quarrel. Imagine yourself as the new interest. Wouldn’t something like this potentially cause you to overanalyze the situation? Perhaps it might strike fear and uncertainty? Don’t fear and uncertainty lead to anger and frustration? Once there, very few options exist outside of confrontation.
And what would all of that be for? An ex? Is that even worth it? Besides, the only concern you should have for your ex is the same humanist concern we should all have for everyone in the world—that is, to say, a general notion of goodwill and a hope that no one falls under harm. That’s it. Your cares and concerns should be focused on you and your new mate.
Anything short of that could be seen as an escape plan.
“But I don’t want to hurt them unnecessarily if this new relationship doesn’t work out.”
I know you didn’t say that—and probably aren’t thinking it—but I feel it’s worth bringing up for others. You see, thoughts like that are a crock of shit. So what if the new relationship doesn’t work out? Plenty of relationships don’t. And, who knows, maybe the next one will… or the next one after that… or the following one.…
The fact of the matter is, people need to look and move forward. If an ex is having a difficult time with that, that is their own problem, quite frankly. Eventually they are going to have to learn to deal with it as best they can.
Don’t sacrifice your happiness, your ability to live daily without feelings of guilt, over an ex. Doing that would just be preposterously absurd.
Just my $0.02