On Apr 24, 2009, at 4:04 PM, NiTwit wrote:

I’ve man­aged to almost com­pletely cut my ex of sev­eral years from my life and am much bet­ter off for it. We still have a cou­ple mutual friends with whom I gen­er­ally only stay in touch on a super­fi­cial level. Recently one of these mutual friends requested to fol­low my pri­vate twit­ter account. While I appre­ci­ate trad­ing barbs and witty com­men­tary with this per­son, a num­ber of my tweets are about my blos­som­ing new rela­tion­ship which nei­ther the friend nor ex are aware of. What do you rec­om­mend, slight­ing the friend by deny­ing his request or not let­ting con­cern for my ex rule my deci­sions and accept it, come what may?

NiTwit

NiTwit,

What pos­si­ble rea­son would you have to keep your blos­som­ing new rela­tion­ship a secret? It’s one thing to have con­cern for your ex and another to acci­den­tally bur­den your new relationship.

There is no rea­son for you to “pro­tect” your ex from the knowl­edge of you hav­ing moved on. In fact, news of this par­tic­u­lar sit­u­a­tion get­ting back to your new inter­est could poten­tially stir up an unnec­es­sary quar­rel. Imag­ine your­self as the new inter­est. Wouldn’t some­thing like this poten­tially cause you to over­an­a­lyze the sit­u­a­tion? Per­haps it might strike fear and uncer­tainty? Don’t fear and uncer­tainty lead to anger and frus­tra­tion? Once there, very few options exist out­side of confrontation.

And what would all of that be for? An ex? Is that even worth it? Besides, the only con­cern you should have for your ex is the same human­ist con­cern we should all have for every­one in the world—that is, to say, a gen­eral notion of good­will and a hope that no one falls under harm. That’s it. Your cares and con­cerns should be focused on you and your new mate.

Any­thing short of that could be seen as an escape plan.

But I don’t want to hurt them unnec­es­sar­ily if this new rela­tion­ship doesn’t work out.”

I know you didn’t say that—and prob­a­bly aren’t think­ing it—but I feel it’s worth bring­ing up for oth­ers. You see, thoughts like that are a crock of shit. So what if the new rela­tion­ship doesn’t work out? Plenty of rela­tion­ships don’t. And, who knows, maybe the next one will… or the next one after that… or the fol­low­ing one.…

The fact of the mat­ter is, peo­ple need to look and move for­ward. If an ex is hav­ing a dif­fi­cult time with that, that is their own prob­lem, quite frankly. Even­tu­ally they are going to have to learn to deal with it as best they can.

Don’t sac­ri­fice your hap­pi­ness, your abil­ity to live daily with­out feel­ings of guilt, over an ex. Doing that would just be pre­pos­ter­ously absurd.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar

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