On Apr 20, 2009, at 5:49 PM, Heteroflexible wrote:

If two girls make out at Roller­con, is it cheating?

I am a “het­eroflex­i­ble” derby girl in a solid, long­time rela­tion­ship with an awe­some non-derby dude. My derby friends say it would be totally cool if I were to swap some Mai Tai-laced spit with a skater — but only at Rollercon.

How­ever, my boyfriend strongly dis­agrees — not even if he gets to watch.

I’ve been to Roller­con and wasn’t even tempted to get down with any­one, and I have no plans to in the future. But what’s your take on this con­tro­ver­sial issue?

Het­eroflex­i­ble,

Allow me to pro­pose the fol­low­ing sce­nario: If your boyfriend makes out with other girls at RollerCon—or any­where else for that matter—would you con­sider that cheating?

Monogamy is monogamy is monogamy regard­less of gen­der, loca­tion, time of day, day of the week, cos­mic plane, plan­e­tary align­ment, et cetera. The notion that cer­tain cir­cum­stances would war­rant the accept­abil­ity of infi­delity in the midst of a monog­a­mous rela­tion­ship is absolutely ludicrous.

Now, if he (or anyone’s part­ner for that mat­ter) had been okay with the sce­nario pro­posed or if the rela­tion­ship were open, I would say to feel free to play some ton­sil hockey. That’s a com­pletely dif­fer­ent sce­nario alto­gether. What makes it so dif­fer­ent is that the sit­u­a­tion is already understood.

The idea that “it’s okay at Roller­Con” or “oh, it’s just another girl so that doesn’t count” is ridicu­lous if monogamy is involved. If one is sin­gle or in an open rela­tion­ship, any­thing is fair. My take on your spe­cific sit­u­a­tion? Your friends are sim­ply try­ing to con­vince you to make-out with them.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar

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