Hail Pleasar

Whole Pack­age,

Okay. Here’s the thing: this all hap­pened before you. Once I read that, there really wasn’t much else to take into consideration.

Do you think it’s wise to fault some­one indef­i­nitely for some­thing they did in their past, espe­cially when you weren’t around and have no true grasp on the cir­cum­stances sur­round­ing it? There are an infi­nite num­ber of pos­si­bil­i­ties as to why this fling occurred. You seem to be bas­ing a whole lot on assump­tion and that’s a dan­ger­ous thing.

So what if she is a for­mer Play­boy bunny? What dif­fer­ence does her men­tal capac­ity make? Who are you to judge her? What author­ity do you have to decide what their com­pat­i­bil­ity was based on? Are you per­fect? Have you not made mis­takes? Do all of his past rela­tion­ships even qual­ify as mis­takes? What about the integrity of your own? Was she wor­thy of his time? Who are you to decide that? Per­haps it is you that might be “too shallow”.

I sug­gest there are two real issues at hand: your decline in respect for him and your feel­ing of inse­cu­rity. The thing is, based on what I’ve read, nei­ther of them needed to have happened.

You resent him for some­thing that doesn’t con­cern you. That’s rather unfair, no? And what rea­sons do you have to feel inse­cure? You’re the “whole pack­age”, cor­rect? If any­thing, your self-esteem should be val­i­dated by his choos­ing you.

These are two things that need to be resolved if there’s ever gonna be any sort of rela­tion­ship. He can’t travel back in time. What he can do—what we all can do—is grow. Let’s assume that there was a time when he’d pre­fer eye candy. Does it not stand to rea­son that he might have changed his mind, that he might have grown up? Hell, maybe it was the fling that got him to change—if that’s even the case in the first place.

Be com­fort­able in you and your­self. He didn’t “claim” that he’s into the “whole pack­age”, he told you that he is. Trust in what he says. With­out trust, there is no chance for a rela­tion­ship at all; it will be doomed to fail. Live in the now and focus on the present. If you dwell on the past, there won’t be a way to move for­ward and all that will develop is indig­na­tion and resentment—on both sides.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar