I recently found out that the object of my affection had a fling, before me, with a blonde with the brain of a Smokehouse almond, whose lack of intellect keeps her only barely on this side of assisted living, who can’t really focus when there are shiny things in the room, and yet, he thought she was worthy of his time. Perhaps this is because she is a former playboy bunny? Maybe because she was too stupid to call him on his bullshit? In any event, I have lost a huge amount of respect for The Man – moreover, I’m now way insecure; I’d always believed his claim that he was into the “whole package” (i.e. ME) but now I wonder if he’s really secretly too shallow to fully appreciate a woman of substance. Would he really prefer Eye Candy over Mind Candy?
Whole Package,
Okay. Here’s the thing: this all happened before you. Once I read that, there really wasn’t much else to take into consideration.
Do you think it’s wise to fault someone indefinitely for something they did in their past, especially when you weren’t around and have no true grasp on the circumstances surrounding it? There are an infinite number of possibilities as to why this fling occurred. You seem to be basing a whole lot on assumption and that’s a dangerous thing.
So what if she is a former Playboy bunny? What difference does her mental capacity make? Who are you to judge her? What authority do you have to decide what their compatibility was based on? Are you perfect? Have you not made mistakes? Do all of his past relationships even qualify as mistakes? What about the integrity of your own? Was she worthy of his time? Who are you to decide that? Perhaps it is you that might be “too shallow”.
I suggest there are two real issues at hand: your decline in respect for him and your feeling of insecurity. The thing is, based on what I’ve read, neither of them needed to have happened.
You resent him for something that doesn’t concern you. That’s rather unfair, no? And what reasons do you have to feel insecure? You’re the “whole package”, correct? If anything, your self-esteem should be validated by his choosing you.
These are two things that need to be resolved if there’s ever gonna be any sort of relationship. He can’t travel back in time. What he can do—what we all can do—is grow. Let’s assume that there was a time when he’d prefer eye candy. Does it not stand to reason that he might have changed his mind, that he might have grown up? Hell, maybe it was the fling that got him to change—if that’s even the case in the first place.
Be comfortable in you and yourself. He didn’t “claim” that he’s into the “whole package”, he told you that he is. Trust in what he says. Without trust, there is no chance for a relationship at all; it will be doomed to fail. Live in the now and focus on the present. If you dwell on the past, there won’t be a way to move forward and all that will develop is indignation and resentment—on both sides.
Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar
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