On Apr 3, 2009, at 11:01 AM, Bonerama wrote:

I am in love with a multi-platinum-selling pop star who kinda knows I exist — I met him twice, but he’s also met thou­sands of other women, the major­ity with larger boobs than I — and I’ve wanted to bone him for the past 18 years. I’m see­ing him again in July. How do I make my child­hood dream come true?

Sin­cerely,
Bonerama

Bon­erama,

The first ques­tion you need to ask is if the object of your affec­tion is attracted to your gen­der. Yes? Perfect.

The sec­ond thing you need to find out is whether or not this pop star is an ass (wo)man or a boob (wo)man. If they’re an ass (wo)man, you may still be in the run­ning and would sim­ply need to wear some­thing that shows off your fab­u­lous glutes while sashay­ing like Jane Mansfield.

If they’re a boob (wo)man, what kind of boob (wo)man are they? There’s a com­mon mis­con­cep­tion that big­ger is bet­ter. That’s not always the case! Have you seen that crazy chick that crushes cans and mel­ons with her egre­giously insane 46H gazon­gas?!!?! NOT sexy. No. Stop it. Bad. Bad. You see, the female breas­t­a­sis come in all shapes, sizes, col­ors, hard­ness and grippiness—much like skate wheels! Be com­fort­able with what you have and work it.

Of course you can always just whis­per the fol­low­ing in their ear: “I’ve wanted to bone you hard for the last 18 years.” The right level of con­fi­dence can be an amaz­ing aphrodisiac.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar

April 3, 2009 – 11:44 AM | By Julius Pleasar | Posted in Hail Pleasar | Comments (0)

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