Archive for April, 2009

NiTwit,

What possible reason would you have to keep your blossoming new relationship a secret? It’s one thing to have concern for your ex and another to accidentally burden your new relationship.

There is no reason for you to “protect” your ex from the knowledge of you having moved on. In fact, news of this particular situation getting back to your new interest could potentially stir up an unnecessary quarrel. Imagine yourself as the new interest. Wouldn’t something like this potentially cause you to overanalyze the situation? Perhaps it might strike fear and uncertainty? Don’t fear and uncertainty lead to anger and frustration? Once there, very few options exist outside of confrontation.

And what would all of that be for? An ex? Is that even worth it? Besides, the only concern you should have for your ex is the same humanist concern we should all have for everyone in the world—that is, to say, a general notion of goodwill and a hope that no one falls under harm. That’s it. Your cares and concerns should be focused on you and your new mate.

Anything short of that could be seen as an escape plan.

“But I don’t want to hurt them unnecessarily if this new relationship doesn’t work out.”

I know you didn’t say that—and probably aren’t thinking it—but I feel it’s worth bringing up for others. You see, thoughts like that are a crock of shit. So what if the new relationship doesn’t work out? Plenty of relationships don’t. And, who knows, maybe the next one will… or the next one after that… or the following one….

The fact of the matter is, people need to look and move forward. If an ex is having a difficult time with that, that is their own problem, quite frankly. Eventually they are going to have to learn to deal with it as best they can.

Don’t sacrifice your happiness, your ability to live daily without feelings of guilt, over an ex. Doing that would just be preposterously absurd.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar

Heteroflexible,

Allow me to propose the following scenario: If your boyfriend makes out with other girls at RollerCon—or anywhere else for that matter—would you consider that cheating?

Monogamy is monogamy is monogamy regardless of gender, location, time of day, day of the week, cosmic plane, planetary alignment, et cetera. The notion that certain circumstances would warrant the acceptability of infidelity in the midst of a monogamous relationship is absolutely ludicrous.

Now, if he (or anyone’s partner for that matter) had been okay with the scenario proposed or if the relationship were open, I would say to feel free to play some tonsil hockey. That’s a completely different scenario altogether. What makes it so different is that the situation is already understood.

The idea that “it’s okay at RollerCon” or “oh, it’s just another girl so that doesn’t count” is ridiculous if monogamy is involved. If one is single or in an open relationship, anything is fair. My take on your specific situation? Your friends are simply trying to convince you to make-out with them.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar

Crusher,

This is tricky one. Normally if someone had walked up to me and asked me this in person, I would have posed quite a few follow-up questions in order to get a better understanding of the situation. I will, however, try to answer as best I can with the information given to me.

My initial reaction when I first read this was to tell you to wait it out considering you said you don’t know if you’re “willing, able or ready to date”. That could be seen as a red flag. It wouldn’t be incorrect, either. It’s not, however, the whole picture.

There are two parts to what you said, the first of which I’ve just mentioned—the unwillingness or inability. The second part to it, though, is the willingness and openness to the idea. If you truly weren’t willing or open to the idea, you wouldn’t have even considered the notion in the first place let alone written me an e-mail.

That said, I’m sure there are a number of variables to take into consideration. I can say at least that much with some certainty based on you questioning your willingness or ability to date. I’m sensing some fear, but I think it’s fear for what some might consider the right reasons.

The nice thing about a crush is that it can be very innocent. There doesn’t seem to be any reason for you not to indulge in it as such. Keep in mind, though, that there’s no need to rush anything. You will know when the time is right. In the meantime, feel free to be giddy when he’s around and enjoy the crush.

Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar

Shit from Shinola,

I’m glad you asked, SFS. Back in 1999, Travis, a four-piece from Glasgow, Scotland, peformed a live cover of the exact same song on the BBC—I can’t recall the name of the program, unfortunately. In any event, it’s become a staple of their performances in addition to a whole slew of other covers. The great thing about it? It’s pretty damn incredible.

One of the things about popular music is that it tends to be looked over. Labels, managers and marketing teams get a hold of a performer—not necessarily an artist—and put together a package that’s monetarily viable. In the process of doing this, they hire songwriters to pen music and lyrics. Throughout all of this, when all is said and done, the original vision can sometimes be lost. I feel that way about “Baby One More Time”.

I agree with you, SFS. It is, indeed, a complex song filled with emotion and it’s rather remarkable how big of a difference production can make. Here we have an unassuming pop song that, when stripped down to acoustic guitars and vocals, becomes something much more.

The April 2000 issue of Interview probably says it best:

RAY ROGERS: Speaking of songs, why do you cover Britney Spears’s “… Baby One More Time”?

FRAN HEALY: We did it for a laugh the first time. And as we played it the irony slipped from my smile. It’s a very well-crafted song. I found that it had that magic thing.

DOUGIE PAYNE: It’s great when we do it live. At the beginning people are laughing and then by the end they’re like, “Wow, that’s a great song. I never really listened to it.”

FRAN HEALY: It’s like, Well, of course you didn’t. Because of the way it’s been dressed up. Our version is more naked.

And for the non-believers, you can find said cover below. There’s another version out there that includes an introduction by Fran explaining the origins of the cover, but this one has that bit cut off. Still, the song is pretty awesome either way.

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Just my $0.02
Julius Pleasar